Learning from Tom’s Life: Lessons on Alcoholism and Family

Tom

He was a rocker, he loved Peter Frampton and Jethro Toll and tried to look a little like both. Long frizzy hair and headbands. He loved his beer, Miller Lite. He had two very close friends. They were like brothers to me. They hung around our house daily during Tom’s High School Years.

Tom loved cars and tirelessly tried to remodel old mustangs. I am not sure he ever succeeded at one.  He was a computer scientist by trade, heavy into developing/installing scanning systems for grocery stores. 

Tom ended on a terrible road once he married an alcoholic. Bringing two children into the world that were fetal-alcohol syndrome babies.  His wife ended up with more severe issues, eventually being diagnosed with schizophrenia. She claimed to have been abducted by aliens several times.  Over time they became more reclusive.  Withdrawing from the family. If you tried to visit them, they would not let you in the house. They would have you out on the back patio or immediately want to go to a restaurant. 

Tom was always overweight with his beer belly and terrible eating habits. His wife was similar, and even sadder his daughter ended up the same.  He lost his daughter in her thirties from a stroke. His son became a transgender and left when he was rejected by Tom. Tom ended up having a stroke and heart attack and passing away just two years after his daughter.  Tom may have lived a decent life in his own eyes. But those of us who witnessed it, felt differently.  Tom was very much a cautionary tale. 

I sometimes wonder if his struggles didn’t start the summer that he graduated high school. One of his best friends and a brother figure in my life, was tragically killed in a motorcycle accident. This happened during a summer road trip across Canada.  We lost a brother that summer when we lost Tom’s friend. I wonder if Tom didn’t lose a part of himself as well.

He was still my brother and I loved him deeply for that. He had a silly girlish laugh and would turn red a lot. I want to raise a beer in his honor. I know as the alcoholic he was, that may seem inappropriate. But some people you can not change. People will only change when they want to change. Maybe change is just too hard when it means changing the one thing your life was built upon.

I admire the people of today that are turning away from alcohol. Not an easy feat if you grew up as alcohol being a staple in your house. If you enjoy alcohol in moderation and can resist the temptation to overdue, than like all things in life, enjoy! But be sympathetic to those who have addiction issues. There are some people that have no self control. Exposure to alcohol may very well be a death sentence to these people. Be sympathetic to those who struggle. You may eventually have a child or loved one who struggles with addiction. It is not an easy thing to watch.