Understanding George: A Story of Bullying and Reflection

George

I have known a few Georges in my life. But this complex individual deserves a page of his own.  The first word that comes to mind would be BULLY.  I used to tell him from time to time he was a Bully.  One of a few toxic people and bosses I would come to know. In this case, I can honestly say I saw past the toxicity occasionally. In a tiny way, I even loved the guy, but just a bit.

The culmination of the “Bully” label hit home after knowing him for ten years.  He came into my office and sat for a minute. Silently he moved back and forth fidgeting in a chair and with sadness in his voice he explained his demeanor.  His daughter was being suspended from school for being a bully. I literally had to hold back a smile and a laugh. For years I had been telling him he was a bully and he never saw it.  It is true what they say, your children are a reflection of you.  If your child has a characteristic that is troublesome, look to yourself or your spouse.

George was also the baby of his family of brothers. He was his Mommy’s favorite. He was definitely bullied by his older brother.  He had a contentious relationship with his brother’s. Although they may have loved each other, they did not like or respect each other. They were abysmal when together.

George went through a bout of depression. He started seeing a therapist. From time to time, he opened up about his struggles to me. It was usually after he had ticked me off by acting out and demonstrating his bully tactics.  I would leave because I never tolerate disrespect. I work too hard for that.  His older brother would make fun of him for being weak. I always felt it was just Karma. 

There was a time we had a client going through a horrible life change. His wife had left him for his friend. He needed to sell his business fast. It just reminded him of his ex-wife. He wanted to be far away from it.  It was a successful business, and George just could not comprehend his situation. He went on and on about the guy. He felt he was hiding something. I took the gentleman’s side and stated to George, “Sometimes life just happens to you and it doesn’t make sense.”

That was such a profound moment to me, when George started having his own life issues. I wanted so badly to throw it back in his face.  But I am always striving to be the bigger person, and let Karma serve justice.

I have many notes and emails from George thanking me for being like a sister.  I sometimes value notes like these. But if someone’s outward actions do not improve, those notes hold little meaning. Bad behavior continued over years, which diminishes the value of these specks of appreciation. Change must happen if you really expect people to believe you are sincere.

George had outside hobbies which exposed him to a lot of young adults and preteens.  I have never understood how that was acceptable. He may have loved sports but an inspirational leader he was not.  That was evident in the lack of followers he really garnered over that decade. Those who followed him seemed to take advantage of him. He was not the most generous. When he did give, it was always to those who may have needed it, but did not deserve it.    

What is it that I learned from knowing George? It is not always wise to hold out hope that people will change. Being kind and generous to them doesn’t always lead to change. Save yourself before you spend a lifetime trying to change others. The other lesson is, there is no place in life for Bullies. Seek help if you are a bully.